Oh to be such a lady!

Monday, January 28, 2013

Pathetic at blogging,

Has it really been so long since I have last written? I really am a terrible blogger, and yet here I am attempting it once again. I've always been torn between having a blog because, I'm pretty private, and blogging like I have feel fairly exposed, and sometimes I feel like those who blog maybe just don't have close people in their lives to talk to??
That probably isn't a very good way of thinking, and I mostly think that it is important to write things down, even just for yourself to have things to look back on.
Last I wrote I was still in Chula Vista. I am now in San Francisco. I nanny 48 hours a week and do BYUI independent study, so my life is pretty full.
I take care of two little girls which is FAR different from nannying boys. My life is full of tutu's, fairies, tender feelings, princesses, and tears. I must say boys are so much easier then little girls! but, having these girls have brought great lessons to me (which if I keep blogging you will read more about).
My time here has been quiet lonely. I work a lot, and don't meet anyone my age. I have felt cut off from pretty much anyone.... everyone.  While I thought I'd be missed by old friends I never hear from them, and am not missed. I know people get busy, and I guess I was just hoping for their support while I'm alone here, but its ok I understand. I thought I would always come back to S.D to visit, but since I haven't heard from, or been invited by any friends that looks like it won't happen! which makes me sad, because I never got to do all the things I wanted to.
Life presents different challenges , and I knew these times would come in my life since I recieved my Patriarchal blessing when I was sixteen, and before than since my life at a young age presented some unique challenges. I've felt quiet lonely, and that it seems I can't make, or keep close relationships. I wonder sometimes if that is my challenge now, and am I just feeling weighted down by the adversary? or, maybe I really am not someone who is worth being kept as a friend? I'm sure we all have these thoughts though...right? I can't possibly be the only person who feels abandoned!? and completely unkeepable?!
SO here I am babbling away to my laptop, and sending out personal things to cyberspace, and than I may delete this, because it is too personal. I guess that is what I love about the delete button!
Life is good, and there is much to be grateful for, but sadly tonight I am writing my insecurities! Good things to come on another day, a new day is always something to look forward to!

Sunday, May 13, 2012

Family Unit

Today is mothers day, and of course with any holiday I think of my family. I am the only one away from home right now, and so I am missing them loads. Today I am mostly grateful for them, and for the fact that I am in a family.
I have been texting a friend of mine in the navy, and we were talking about how we miss our families, especially on days like today. While, we were talking about this, I started thinking about how lucky I am to have a family. I not only have family, but I have a family that I miss!
While there have been struggles, especially through my parents divorce and after. We have made our way through them and slowly piece by piece have been fixing our family unit.We all realize how important our family is, so we fought to make it work.
I know that a family is one of the best gifts we are given on earth. The family we are born into, and the family we will create. It is our responsibility to do our best, to keep the family connected. I know I need to avoid contention, and have good communication with them. I know honesty is the best policy, and that is something I am slowly making progress in (not that I am dishonest, sometimes I just have a hard time confronting people). 
I am so grateful to have seen other families, that are so connected, and work so hard to be a strong unit.It is so great to have good examples around me, so I can know how I want my future family to be.I hope that I will be able to be as good as so many of the families I see. 
I love observing, and taking note what I love about other people and their characteristics, because that is how I progress. I see how good other people are and it makes me want to be good. I think we learn best from other people, it is easier to learn from others mistakes then make them ourselves. I think it is also easier to do good, and want good when we see the happiness people have when they do it.
Life is good, and full of challenges. These trials come so we can progress, so we might as well take what we can from them. Take advantage of this short time on earth that we are given, and make the most of who we are.

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

It has been a long time.

I haven't written in quiet sometime, mainly because I feel that not many people read it. I also am not sure if I want people to read, my sad excuse of writing. Today I woke up feeling really down, and out over somethings that have been happening over the last little bit. The past couple days, I feel I have been paying for decisions I have made, and lost things of importance to me. This is not why I started blogging again though. I will probably touch up on that subject later.
 I wanted to blog because, although I am having a really tough obstacle I can still find the joy in life. I am trying really hard to figure myself out, to know what I want. I love the simple distractions the boys I nanny give me.
Lately four year old Nathan has decided he wants to marry me, and so has his six year old brother. Nathan (4), and Josh (6) had an argument over me. Josh said I should marry him because he is older, and we could get married sooner. Nathan then said "Clancy, please love only me". I told them I loved them both, and I would be happy with either of them (couldn't bare to tell them I wouldn't end up with either of them). I loved hearing their funny argument, Josh told Nathan that when he (Josh) and I get married Nathan could come visit us. I am not sure when this turned into a competition, Josh used to be fine with the idea of Nathan marrying me, in fact he gave me permission to still be his nanny after I married Nathan.
I love these conversations with them, and the simple way they think. They are so innocent, and honest I totally appreciate it. Moments like those are why I remember that I am a nanny. I am so grateful that I get these funny conversations with them. They distract me from my own sorrows, and make me forget myself, if only for a moment. Children are so funny, the other day I told a friend of mine how if I could make a career in nannying I would. I hope that someday, I will be something better, a mom! I really look forward to that day. Being a mom is a far better thing then being a nanny, and I love being a nanny.
Today, I am not feeling very funny, but I just had to write a little bit. I had to share that simple, funny conversation. I wanted to write it down so I could remember it for later. At times when I feel no one wants me, or that I am lonely. I can remember Josh, and Nathan appreciate me : ).

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Grateful Aunt

This week in institute we started reading in Joshua, Tuesday insititute is my favorite class. I love the teacher, and the other students in the class. Every Tuesday, I get filled with spiritual food and I know the other students do to! People always have comments and they are very inspired in their comments. Every tuesday someone is crying, because they feel the Spirit, pretty much amazing!!!
Well anyways, the first chapter of Joshua is Christ speaking to Joshua (Joshua being the prophet after Moses). Christ seems to mainly focus on COURAGE and FAITH in this chapter, my favorite verses in it seem to emphasis that point a LOT. Here are the verses I like in chapter 1: 5,6,9 the mostly talk about how Christ is with us and for us to be brave. I also like verse sixteen it is the people talking to Joshua saying they will follow him (in my margins I wrote follow the prophet). So, really good chapter and a great class!
Brother Miller challenged us this week to write a list every night of things we are grateful for! What a great thing to do. I am excited to try it. I haven't been doing it very well at all so far.... but it has got me thinking and tonight I WILL do it!! I also talked to my sister Emma about doing it, and I hope she does aswell.
After class I went to Emma's house to visit and play with my niece Brynlie, and then that night I watched Brynlie so Emma and Austin could go on a date. Thats when I decided I wanted to write a blog entry about how grateful I am to be an aunt, and to have such a wonderful niece!!!!

Brynlie Rain Hammer was born Oct 8, 2009. She brought with her this fantastic personality that is impossible to not love!!  I don't know how, or what we did in the preexistence to deserve her. I sometimes wonder what I did to deserve the wonderful family I have.
Brynlie is two years old and so smart, she is potty trained, talking in full sentences, and learns faster then I do! She has a great sense of humor and generally a happy kid and has been her whole life. Brynlie is pretty funny because, she is a bit of a stinker. She basically knows the rules of her house and yet she still pushes her limits pretty far. The bad thing is she does it in such a funny, and cute way we tend to let her get away with it.
Although we do spoil her a lot, the amazing thing is she is still so polite and a good girl. I think Heavenly Father knew we would love any spirit who joins are family, so He gave us one that isn't spoilt by being spoiled!
I am so, so, so, grateful for my niece. I love her so much and she makes me happy everytime I am with her! I love that she lives close to me for the next two months! I am so glad I have been able to watch her go from a baby to a toddler, and I can't wait to keep watching her grow! In the spring Emma is going to have another baby and I cannot wait! I can't believe how lucky I am that I get Brynlie and will get another niece or nephew. I come from a large family so I know I will have tons YAY!!!
Being a nanny, aunt and big sister I have found the importance the each individual spirit brings. I have really become aware, and grateful for each persons differences in personalities. I know how important it is to be a good example to those younger then us.
I hope my nieces and nephews know how much I love them, and will love them. I hope they know I will always be there for them, willing to help. I say this particularly to Brynlie because, she is the only one I know so far! I hope she realizes how much I love her sweet and funny personality! I couldn't ask for a better niece.
Anyways thats my little gratitude blog for the week. I just feel so grateful for Brynlie this week and I will miss her when they move away.

Love Clancy

Friday, October 21, 2011

Love affair with music!!

So this week I learned how to post videos from youtube onto facebook. Such a proud moment in my life!! When I figured this out I wanted to share some music I love, so I dug into the youtube videos and found myself getting that thrill I feel everytime I hear a good song!! Oh how I love music!! I love all kinds of music, Piano, broadway, classical (some), pop, Indie, ANY genres really!!!
Its amazing the emotions music can stir up inside of me, and I am sure for others aswell. You have your workout music, cry music, happy, or excited music. I know you all know what I am talking about! I am so glad there is music on this earth! I cannot imagine not having music in my life. Sometimes I wish I had background  music to my life, sorta like in the movies. I think it would make life so much more interesting!
Last night I had to oppertunity to play the piano at church, just for fun. It was so so nice!!! I miss playing the piano. I love sitting there and looking at these fantastic notes people had written down and turned into amazing pieces of music! I am pretty shy about playing the piano for people, because I know I am not as good as I want to be. I compare myself so much to all those fantastic piano players out there.
Comparing = BAD habit, I really need to get rid of!! It blocks my self confidence, and my ability to grow and advance myself. ANYWAYS, I  got over that and played around my friend which was great. It was nice to show my very simple talent, but a talent that I worked VERY hard for. I taught myself how to play the piano (something I'll always be grateful for) and so it was fun to show what I had learned from hard practice and discipline.
 I am so impressed everyday by the talents people have and share with people. It is so humbling to see others and their gifts that they have. I am so grateful for technology, because I can research and look up beautiful music.  I love that when I am very much needing to hear certain music I can look it up and listen to it. I need this for emotional comfort, or because I am excited and music seems the only thing to express what I am feeling!!
OH MUSIC, MUSIC MUSIC!!!! how I LOVE it!!!! We are so blessed to be able to have something so wonderful in our lives!!! I know Heavenly Father blessed us with the gift of music. He knew we needed it! But this also puts us in a responsible place, because he has blessed us with something so great. Our responsibilty is to use it for good things, and in good ways. I know I am not perfect at this AT all, but I do try to avoid music with innappropriate languages and bad messages. On sundays I try to listen to good and uplifting music so that I can really feel the spirit.
I am so very THANKFUL for you music, its like the song from ABBA "So I say,thank you for the music, for giving it to me." So true that is!!!
I hope you all go out and listen to some great songs today!!
Love Clancy

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

I refuse!!!

I refuse, to accept the fact that I have an ouchy cavity that needs to be taken care of. I so do not want to spend money on a silly tooth!!! I don't even know if I have health insurance any more, it that is the case then yikes!!! My camera just completely broke and this small bundle of funds I have I am putting in for another camera. I refuse to spend that money on my tooth. Goodness gracious, we talked about the plan of salvation at institute the other day. This of course invovled talking about the resurrection. Yep excited for that no dentist bills, strike me dead, but not till after I get my camera!
Anyway those are my thoughts as of right now, mostly cause I just brushed my teeth and my tooth is a slight irritation. It has been a busy couples of weeks full of nannying, church and school. I taught the lesson on thursday for school YIKES!!! I was very nervous I am not a very good stand in front of a group and present something type person. Not only that but my friend Audrey found out I was teach (why do I tell people things) and she came to watch! While I loved the support and the fact she wanted to watch me teach, I didn't want to let her down. So what does that mean?  MORE PRESSURE!! The lesson actually went fairly well even though I was quiet nervous. During my review of the lesson they said they couldn't even tell I was nervous, except for the fact I messed my hair up which I do sometimes when I feeling a little pressured! the best thing about being stressed over something is when it ENDS!!
I am learning that more and more as time goes on, that my Father in Heaven knows me and he does want me to succeed and grow. I love that fact. I love my Savior! I love that although I don't have a dad on earth who is capable of guiding me, I have a Father in Heaven who is the perfect Father!! How blessed I am to know this!!
On sunday I went with some friends of mine to the Mormon Battalion in Old Town San Diego. I came early with my friend Jozel, and while we were waiting for our other friends we watched the Joseph Smith movie. I of course weeped over this as I usually do. But some things came to mind while I was watching it. I always think of Joseph as such a hero to me as "all knowing" almost. But while watching the movie I realized how little he did know and how much our Father taught him!  Joseph didn't know a family is forever, he didn't know about the word of wisdom.
I know these are silly thoughts that everyone has probably thought of, but to me it was so humbling to think about. Its humbling for me to remember how blessed we are to have the true church of Christ on the earth today. What made me be chosen to be so blessed to be on earth at this time and to be born with the knowlege I have?!  I am so very lucky to have been born into this knowledge, whereas my hero Joseph Smith didn't learn these truths until he was in adulthood!
So those are some of my thoughts and feelings. I have been up since six AM because of somethings going on with my nanny family (explain at a later date). I am tired it has been a long day, but those thoughts I had  to write down, I had to get some of these things written down so I could remember. I hope I never forget what I have been learning lately. I hope I will always remember my Savior and how He influences my life!! I could never do this without Him. He is my Iron rod, He is my goal. I want to return to my Heavenly Father and brother Jesus Christ. I want to hug them and thank them for being part of my life!
Now I am heading to bed so tired and grateful right now!!

Saturday, September 24, 2011


Oh so many thoughts running through my head, with nothing in particular to say I thought I would just share my thoughts, my happenings and all that la dee da stuff.

*Ok, this weekend. Friday tended for a couple hours that was fun we went to the park and hid in bushes. Why were we in bushes? because we were hiding from "bad guys." No worries we got rid of them, just threw a bunch of bombs at them (pinecones.)
I then went to the mall for a bit to unsuccesful shop hmmmm. I then went and picked up this great gal Jozel so we could go to Wal Mart and pick up a card for another great gal going on a mission. Awesome enough we ran into my sister, brother in law and niece!!! That was great! I love seeing familiar people in unfamiliar places! and also I just love seeing people I LOVE!
Jozel and I then proceeded or are missionary friends farewell party (maybe a little/lot late). After that a bunch of us went to a stake dance, we only got to about an hour of that because we were late. Which I am totally fine with because my dancings skills are NOT skills they are more like a freaky nightmare or maybe a comedy a pathetic comedy. It was still fun though, I know how to be a good sport! I got home at around two AM, grabbed my purse upside down so all the contents fell out. The hard thing about this situation is that I don't have lights in the car so I had to feel around in the dark. This sorta got me freaked out.

*Ok, friday nights events were very fun!! Saturday was more relaxed I just stayed home. I then went to a relief society service project and dinner with my sister. Then we listened to the relief society broadcast. So So nice!!! The choir was excellent, I felt the spirit so stronly through the music. My favorite speaker was Elder Uchdorf, he gave a wonderful talk on five very important steps. I don't remember each step so I won't tell you what they are. But he talked about the flowers "Forget me Nots" he used them as a metaphor throughout his talk. One of my favorite things he talked about was enjoying the "now" He talked about making the wait for our Golden ticket (Willy Wonka reference) an enjoyable one. He talked about not being grudging if you don't get exactly what you want, if your ideals weren't perfect.  Overall a good Saturday!!

I am so glad it was a busy weekend! I love being busy. But I also enjoy a quiet moment or two, like part of the day today was mellow. It gave me time to gather my thoughts and take a moment to myself. I think it is important to be busy and know what your boundaries are and when to take a rest!!! I am getting to that point pretty quick here!! I had a late night, and an early morning, and a busy week!