Oh to be such a lady!

Monday, January 28, 2013

Pathetic at blogging,

Has it really been so long since I have last written? I really am a terrible blogger, and yet here I am attempting it once again. I've always been torn between having a blog because, I'm pretty private, and blogging like I have feel fairly exposed, and sometimes I feel like those who blog maybe just don't have close people in their lives to talk to??
That probably isn't a very good way of thinking, and I mostly think that it is important to write things down, even just for yourself to have things to look back on.
Last I wrote I was still in Chula Vista. I am now in San Francisco. I nanny 48 hours a week and do BYUI independent study, so my life is pretty full.
I take care of two little girls which is FAR different from nannying boys. My life is full of tutu's, fairies, tender feelings, princesses, and tears. I must say boys are so much easier then little girls! but, having these girls have brought great lessons to me (which if I keep blogging you will read more about).
My time here has been quiet lonely. I work a lot, and don't meet anyone my age. I have felt cut off from pretty much anyone.... everyone.  While I thought I'd be missed by old friends I never hear from them, and am not missed. I know people get busy, and I guess I was just hoping for their support while I'm alone here, but its ok I understand. I thought I would always come back to S.D to visit, but since I haven't heard from, or been invited by any friends that looks like it won't happen! which makes me sad, because I never got to do all the things I wanted to.
Life presents different challenges , and I knew these times would come in my life since I recieved my Patriarchal blessing when I was sixteen, and before than since my life at a young age presented some unique challenges. I've felt quiet lonely, and that it seems I can't make, or keep close relationships. I wonder sometimes if that is my challenge now, and am I just feeling weighted down by the adversary? or, maybe I really am not someone who is worth being kept as a friend? I'm sure we all have these thoughts though...right? I can't possibly be the only person who feels abandoned!? and completely unkeepable?!
SO here I am babbling away to my laptop, and sending out personal things to cyberspace, and than I may delete this, because it is too personal. I guess that is what I love about the delete button!
Life is good, and there is much to be grateful for, but sadly tonight I am writing my insecurities! Good things to come on another day, a new day is always something to look forward to!

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