It has been a long time.

I haven't written in quiet sometime, mainly because I feel that not many people read it. I also am not sure if I want people to read, my sad excuse of writing. Today I woke up feeling really down, and out over somethings that have been happening over the last little bit. The past couple days, I feel I have been paying for decisions I have made, and lost things of importance to me. This is not why I started blogging again though. I will probably touch up on that subject later.
 I wanted to blog because, although I am having a really tough obstacle I can still find the joy in life. I am trying really hard to figure myself out, to know what I want. I love the simple distractions the boys I nanny give me.
Lately four year old Nathan has decided he wants to marry me, and so has his six year old brother. Nathan (4), and Josh (6) had an argument over me. Josh said I should marry him because he is older, and we could get married sooner. Nathan then said "Clancy, please love only me". I told them I loved them both, and I would be happy with either of them (couldn't bare to tell them I wouldn't end up with either of them). I loved hearing their funny argument, Josh told Nathan that when he (Josh) and I get married Nathan could come visit us. I am not sure when this turned into a competition, Josh used to be fine with the idea of Nathan marrying me, in fact he gave me permission to still be his nanny after I married Nathan.
I love these conversations with them, and the simple way they think. They are so innocent, and honest I totally appreciate it. Moments like those are why I remember that I am a nanny. I am so grateful that I get these funny conversations with them. They distract me from my own sorrows, and make me forget myself, if only for a moment. Children are so funny, the other day I told a friend of mine how if I could make a career in nannying I would. I hope that someday, I will be something better, a mom! I really look forward to that day. Being a mom is a far better thing then being a nanny, and I love being a nanny.
Today, I am not feeling very funny, but I just had to write a little bit. I had to share that simple, funny conversation. I wanted to write it down so I could remember it for later. At times when I feel no one wants me, or that I am lonely. I can remember Josh, and Nathan appreciate me : ).